Don’t Get Married If….

today, i am appreciating the work of another author, this was a great piece, a must read, a fresh reasonable outlook … i loved it. what do you, dear readers think?
If you’re not ready to delay gratification when your are angry. To hold your tongue, lower your voice and sometimes wait till the appropriate time, day or even month before you can deal with an issue thoroughly…. don’t get married. Immaturity is the inability to delay gratification. Marriage is for the mature.

If you’re not ready to leave center stage and allow someone else to become your focus, your study, your muses… don’t get married. Selfish people make very bad spouses. In marriage you don’t lose yourself but your heart has to be big enough to gain someone else. And soon, with God’s blessing: little, crying, diaper soiling, demanding little ones are coming!

If you are not ready, to stand up and calmly deal with meddling in laws as a united front: The opinionated sister, the insensitive uncle, the domineering father, the manner less brother, the nosy aunt….. don’t get married. Boundaries do not exist automatically, they must be created. A good spouse is committed to respectfully stand up for and protect their marriage from meddling relatives. Don’t abandon your spouse to your relatives. It’s betrayal.

If you are not ready to pay bills…. don’t get married. Love does not pay bills. Kenya power will not give a waiver because your love is O so strong and your gazes at each other, O so romantic.

If you are not ready to let go of your opposite sex “best friends” and invest that into your spouse. To like, to laugh, to play, to be silly and to enjoy life with them, above anyone else… don’t get married. Affairs happen because people did not marry their best friends. Someone else holds their heart. Someone else gets them better. Someone else inspires them more. Marry your best friend and cultivate your friendship so that you remain best friends.

If you are not ready to stop competing with the Joneses…. don’t get married. Let the Joneses buy their yatch when you are still walking, and enjoy the walk. Your journeys are different. They may have to cross the oceans but you may be going through the road route. A boat might not do you any good on your journey. You must be ready to pace yourselves: stop competing, stop spending your future before you get there, stop the debt, stop trying to impress people. You must be able to be content. To enjoy your journey without deciding your happiness simply by measuring your progress against other people.

If you are not ready to be an open book. To tell the whole story of your past, deal with the memories, expose the failures and risk rejection…. don’t get married. It is fraud to have someone sign off their life to you without the full details. The past is a touchy and demanding friend. It always shows up in the marriage. It doesn’t enjoy being ignored and the more you snob, the bolder it becomes and the more tantrums it throws. It will mess up the “neat” and “all together lovely” image that you are struggling to maintain.

If you are not ready to let go of your philandering and wild oats farming…. don’t get married. Don’t take somebody’s son or daughter and subject them to your germs, your indiscretions and your chips fungaz. It never ends well. It’s romanticized in the movies, it’s being fronted as the only “realistic” way to stay married and keep the fire burning. But truth be told, the only thing that the fire will burn will be you, your spouse and your children. That family will burn for generations in bitterness, disease, fear, failure, hatred, broken hearts, broken dreams and conniving.

Finally, if you are not ready to let go of the adrenalin rush ofa risque life and to settle down…. don’t get married. The great Colombus [who we were told “discovered” America, Have you ever wondered if the Native Indians who were in it, knew that it existed :-)] had a diary that was long sought for. People wanted to read about the wild journeys, the sea tempest, the reckless pirates they fought, the death and the danger they must have encountered. When it was found, there was great disappointment. Majority of the pages simply had 5 words: “This day, we sailed on.”.

Marriage, like life in general, has many “we sail on” days. You have to learn to find the thrill in the normal everydayness of it. If you depend on wild romance, all night sex [ha], romantic cruises, wild parties, compulsive moves across continents, tempestuous fights and make up sessions to be happy, you may be disappointed. You have to learn to thrill in gentle smiles, loving hugs, knowing looks, cozy moments, shared chores, cute babies, everyday work, dreaming together, praying together and simply living together. If these things are not thrilling, exciting and satisfying, you will look for a way out. The “boom twaff” moments are still there, but they are normally punctuations to the usualness of living. They cannot be your reason for getting married. They are unsustainable on an everyday basis. The one you choose must be thrilling to you even in the most mundane of moments.

I pray this helps someone. Remember singles, YOU HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF CHOICE. Never let anyone pressure you into marriage. You are either ready or you’re not: You decide!. But please don’t marry somebody and then punish them to live with your childish ways for the rest of their lives :-). A childish baby is cute but a childish adult is extremely frustrating.

Marriage is for the mature and in many ways, we the married, are still being confronted with the demand to grow up day by day. If you are not ready for that demand, don’t get married!!!!

Barikiweni.- Author Judy Karanja

spotted any other interesting article you would like to share, let me know:-)


Fearless Nazirite


251 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Happy Mfene
    Jun 25, 2012 @ 15:36:18

    This was a really eye opening read indeed. I will sure pass it on to other ladies.


  2. Justus
    Jun 26, 2012 @ 07:50:04

    A great insight. I think as people learn that marriage is not for the selfish, they will get into the institution according it the honor and respect that it deserves.


  3. heartstringsafrica
    Jun 26, 2012 @ 21:39:33

    Reblogged this on Heartstrings Africa and commented:
    awesomest piece i wanna share with my readers


  4. deemutheu
    Jun 30, 2012 @ 19:43:35

    wow. now this is good advice


  5. kevinkeya
    Jul 01, 2012 @ 04:48:59

    A childish baby is cute but a childish adult is
    extremely frustrating.
    Good read,i should say


  6. jaymz kiama
    Jul 01, 2012 @ 11:56:55

    great eye opener before some of us decide to find the one


  7. Dennis
    Jul 02, 2012 @ 09:28:49

    Awesome! its been one year in marriage…..and i still think this is super helpful. thanks!!!!


  8. Davidson
    Jul 02, 2012 @ 15:46:22

    Kali sana!! This is real, insightful, spot on, and most importantly, practical! Kudos.


  9. Angela Kinyua
    Jul 02, 2012 @ 18:39:05

    gret article…very true


  10. kabiramercy
    Jul 02, 2012 @ 20:50:06

    What an eye opener, that was


  11. njambi
    Jul 03, 2012 @ 01:49:47

    most pple r enticed into marriage just by the thot of two pairs of feet between the sheets forgetting that this’ not wat marriage is all about! i totally agree that its all about friendship and self sacrifice.


  12. Es (@Kiumyamuthaka)
    Jul 03, 2012 @ 05:47:45

    Everyone must read this!


  13. Gor Ivans
    Jul 03, 2012 @ 06:12:37

    WOW!Nice pie e of article & advice.


    Jul 03, 2012 @ 06:40:35

    I like this-marriage is serious as the government because without it we have no governments.Therefore a thorough vetting process is informational.I think its a profession and most of us should excuse ourselves and leave the pros.Less taxes for the married!


  15. pius amin
    Jul 03, 2012 @ 07:32:09

    i like the article “don’t get married if not ready”,it has facts that real n i wish all mature couples could have a chance to brush thru n spice up or grow up!thnx for this!


  16. Paul
    Jul 03, 2012 @ 09:01:10

    How do you rate maturity?…..has it got anything to do with unmet expectations in marriage?What if you replaced maturity with humility in this audacious piece of work!I look at marriage as a school of discovery without limits, At 18, the AG will certify you off for marriage…is that what you are refering to?

    Well…a thoughts over, awesome!


    • Fearless Nazirite
      Jul 03, 2012 @ 10:23:47

      hehehe…audacious piece of work…i ike that :-)… well maturity for me is simply the ability to wade through the imperfections of life to make the most out of it, realizing that life is more than the usual ‘me,myself and I’ and what you want, being able to realize what is most important to you and fighting for it and of course having purpose in mind plus action- no following the crowd.
      humility is a part of this article in that it will take humility to live out the mature decisions you may have made.
      all in all, marriage like an individuals life is a matter of discovery, learning, growing and shaping up. even if u had all the advice on marriage, you would still have to learn through your own marriage. . .


    • beckie
      Aug 15, 2012 @ 23:31:57

      Nice one paul…ur response (on maturity) shows u clearly read and understood d article..u ve d ist comment dat really had a sentiments exactly!!


  17. Anthony
    Jul 03, 2012 @ 13:38:14

    wow that’s a perfect definition of a masterpiece


  18. boobykizzy
    Jul 03, 2012 @ 15:31:29

    beautiful post every body should have a look at this


  19. dan
    Jul 04, 2012 @ 06:14:16

    The past is a touchy and demanding friend. It always shows up in the marriage. It doesn’t enjoy being ignored and the more you snob, the bolder it becomes and the more tantrums it throws. It will mess up the “neat” and “all together lovely” image that you are struggling to maintain.


  20. Lillian
    Jul 04, 2012 @ 07:38:34

    On point. Great insight


  21. Godfrey Ndonye.
    Jul 04, 2012 @ 08:45:53

    Thanks a million for the eye opening article. am a victim of rejection after 6 yrs of courtship which i thot would lead to marriage but only to realize tht the lady had her own hidden interests.she’s now out of the country n talking abt being a single mum since we had a daughter together.

    pliiiz help me move on with my life. wth all the love for her n the kid, it has been imposible to love again. i find myself comparing any lady i come cross with her traits. she defined a good to me.,a wife material. thenx n i look forward to an e- mail from u.


    • Fearless Nazirite
      Jul 04, 2012 @ 13:42:09

      Hey Godfrey,
      i really sympathise with your situation. it is painful loving someone for that long, having a kid and losing them afterwards.
      i will send you an email soon, hopefully i can help 🙂 have a blessed day.
      i can be reached at for anyone else who may want to reach me…i will help where i can.


  22. Willy
    Jul 04, 2012 @ 08:55:29

    How do childish adults look like.


  23. GoneIIGhana
    Jul 04, 2012 @ 09:09:26

    Loved it!


  24. Mutwanick
    Jul 04, 2012 @ 09:24:10

    Ua article has realy blssd me,continue the good work.


  25. Vincent
    Jul 04, 2012 @ 09:38:36

    What a piece my dear.good lessons learned.


  26. john kamau
    Jul 04, 2012 @ 09:50:44

    to late to save me.but i wish it can get to as many young turks as posibo.the resons i say this it was ayear ago i met this chic thot that i loved her but only to find out later it was all about last.didnt let her go bcous i wanted smeone always to be thea to satisfy my urges weneva.not soon ago did she surprise me with the quastion which i declined en said no en how i was not rady for a family off my own.she neva gave up on me but for me it was a new play,tryin to avoid her,en any otha thing that would make a relationship work.with all the jumping ups en downs she hit me in my sencetive spot that she is pregnant with my child.was confused for days dont want my child to grow without a fatherly love like i did.untill now we share the same house soport her in every way posibo.
    sometimes wen im at home lookin at her tryin to engage in her conversations i get lost in my own thouts on how im not filling her en how my plans are goin the opposite off how i thout it life has taken a completly diferent direction en i fear being purnished with anotha baby the same time loossing the present one.


    • Fearless Nazirite
      Jul 04, 2012 @ 14:00:36

      there are no two ways to be kind about this. at first it was your own selfish interests that got you with the girl. then came a child. the child is innocent and need not be punished for a mistake she did not make. on the other hand, this was a rather painful way of learning that life is more than the temporary urges…


  27. Eston MK
    Jul 04, 2012 @ 16:53:51

    That! is the greatest and most insightful article I have read so far this year. People should know that the institution of marriage should be given the respect an dignity it deserves. Its not a rental house where you may decide to look for anothr one after severl month or years… ~Regards


  28. STELLA
    Jul 04, 2012 @ 18:10:43

    The peace i have felt after praying with the pastor is what i needed and may God bless you


  29. baige
    Jul 05, 2012 @ 06:12:33

    good work,i must true.


  30. Maureen Sheeroh
    Jul 05, 2012 @ 07:25:15

    I couldn’t agree more on ‘the “boom twaff” moments are still there, but they are normally punctuations to the usualness of living’…this is so true as said earlier they are unsustainable on an everyday basis. A great article this is!


  31. Simon Peter
    Jul 05, 2012 @ 09:03:22

    True story


  32. New Car Dealership Consultants
    Jul 05, 2012 @ 11:51:30

    Appreciate the website. I’ve bookmarked your site in my bookmarks to follow-up with tomorrow. Keep up the great work!


  33. Cadesnr Gichuki
    Jul 06, 2012 @ 07:20:24

    Am so happy i ren into this article it has really helped understand alot.thanks a million dear!this is what we as young generation need for advice i cant stress that enough!


  34. Festus yegon
    Jul 06, 2012 @ 07:38:57

    This article is just the only one.


  35. fiona aura
    Jul 06, 2012 @ 10:17:24

    embarrasing, but i just realised i’m still a child in so many ways! thought i was ready but my herat isnt yet big! i am selfish yet i thought it loving


    • Fearless Nazirite
      Jul 06, 2012 @ 10:27:16

      Fiona… we dont grow up in a one touch, we go through things, aches. pains, shattered dreams that all build us towards growing up. Give God and yourself time to work on you 🙂 dont be embarrased to say u r still growing.
      thanks for visiting.


  36. mrmanunited
    Jul 07, 2012 @ 09:40:55

    real eye opener


  37. Kingpin
    Jul 07, 2012 @ 16:29:41

    A great view and insight from the article. An interesting read indeed. However the article screams out one premise that has me wondering. I understand people get married unready thus expressing childish ways. If marriage is for the mature, and it is stressed to the single folks that marriage is a choice, then in essence you are saying that single folks are immature. Why can’t there be any mature single folks?


    • Fearless Nazirite
      Jul 09, 2012 @ 05:49:46

      there are mature single folks by the way, but this article was focused on marriage specifically… there is a way to run your life when you are single that requires maturity. successful singlehood requires maturity also…but that’s a whole other article :-)… will think about writing one down.


  38. lifesatori
    Jul 09, 2012 @ 06:20:26

    Reblogged this on Life is love.


  39. mso
    Jul 09, 2012 @ 08:48:36

    very true i like it. thnks fr that article.i will let them learn it also.


  40. Clovis M.
    Jul 09, 2012 @ 10:02:37

    Wooo that’s something…. I must say I never look at things that way. Thanks:-)


  41. Dolline kanyi
    Jul 09, 2012 @ 16:18:23

    Thats great wisdom,thanx


  42. Waudi Chrispine
    Jul 10, 2012 @ 08:34:24

    Thats wonderfull. op all who reads it will live by it


  43. greenradiance
    Jul 11, 2012 @ 10:55:03

    Reblogged this on Musings and commented:
    Read it slowly, re-read, memorize….do all you can to make it stick. Wisdom.


  44. Viola Mwangi
    Jul 14, 2012 @ 20:51:01

    Great read….we all need to read this and know that marriage comes with alot of sacrifices that pay well….both the short n long run


  45. Ronke
    Jul 17, 2012 @ 09:58:51

    Nice one! If only folks adhered we would a lower percentage of divorce cases.


  46. Eileen
    Jul 17, 2012 @ 13:56:40



  47. Elisabeth
    Jul 22, 2012 @ 21:14:53

    you are definitely a great writer, i will follow you.


  48. Cassilda
    Jul 24, 2012 @ 12:48:43

    this stuff is extraordinary thanks for sharing keep it up.


  49. Carol Ng'etich
    Jul 31, 2012 @ 10:26:01

    Wow tiz nice


  50. Penny Muriithi
    Aug 11, 2012 @ 07:48:09

    It is a nice read…but put the name of the author at the very top of the write up when you state:”i am appreciating the work of another author,” =Judy Karanja because the way you put it seems as if you read her work and re-wrote the piece which aint the case as you have copied it as she wrote it on Facebook.


    • Fearless Nazirite
      Aug 13, 2012 @ 09:22:35

      it’s just the way i prefer to do my editing, all my guest articles are like that. i always mention that the work aint mine and let the reader know the author at the end of the article. but i think i should tag them appropriately


  51. JB
    Aug 13, 2012 @ 06:39:03

    This article is a true eye opener… i am there but i now realise i am immature in so many ways. I am praying for continous growth


  52. arnilie
    Aug 14, 2012 @ 16:47:46

    great read!!!
    I have some thinking………and growing to do…….


  53. Kandie Kip Tba
    Aug 14, 2012 @ 17:40:55

    One great article of all the time, ..Bookmarked this for future reference. .a word for future.


  54. nma. blaise
    Aug 14, 2012 @ 19:39:23

    Beautiful piece. Well said. Love I̶̲̥̅̊t!


  55. adesola
    Aug 15, 2012 @ 05:30:57

    Dis is quite inspiring and helpful, tanx


  56. Debz
    Aug 15, 2012 @ 09:32:04

    Hmmmm, not bad…


  57. Josephat Kebut
    Aug 15, 2012 @ 10:35:06

    Cool not bad at all


  58. moses okwuka
    Aug 15, 2012 @ 11:26:06

    This is a must read for every single man and lady if they must or wish to get married in life


  59. adebisi aderonke
    Aug 15, 2012 @ 16:00:11

    This article just help me out nw,is as if it was directed to me!


  60. cynthia obaseki
    Aug 15, 2012 @ 16:07:36

    well,i just got engaged bout a month ago and this came and the right time….marriage its really for the matured minds and those ur ready to take bullshit from its nt a competition @all. People now are under alot of pressure on competition.
    Am glad i read thia article. thanks


  61. kemicious
    Aug 15, 2012 @ 16:36:05

    ƬЋåŋКȿ a lot for TЂε̲̣̣̣̥ message, i have indeed been blessed by it


  62. Onlooker
    Aug 15, 2012 @ 20:59:53

    I went really quiet after reading this. Struck a raw nerve. My best part- “So selfish and childish in many ways”


  63. ruth
    Aug 15, 2012 @ 21:29:47

    am glad this is up cos other people do cos others are doing it


  64. 2 cents
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 00:28:49

    Great article. Life has its stages. Moral of the story-enjoy each stage of your life. Be it when you are drinking milk or eating meat. But you don’t have to be married to be mature and maturity not the only indication for marraige. That is stereotyping and a little bit of taking the moral high ground. But nice piece.


    • Fearless Nazirite
      Aug 16, 2012 @ 09:22:45

      hey 2 cents…the article was written by another author (Judy Karanja) and her focus was on marriage, the fact that only mature people can handle a marriage. it did not mean un-married people are immature…in fact, mature single people are the ones who make successful marriages. however, thanks for reading…do visit again 🙂


  65. Barbie
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 08:28:17

    So true!


  66. Agbaka Obinna
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 08:51:13

    Am 28yrs n i really want 2 settle down. Teach me how 2 go about it.


  67. Dayo
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 09:07:08

    Love this………so true!


  68. fisayo
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 09:24:10

    Wow!!!!! Have just been wowed…this is eye opening and educating…am glad I read it…thank you…muuuaaahhh!!!


  69. H•A•W
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 09:25:57

    Reblogged this on Henrietta's Musing's and commented:
    Just seeing this. I like it. Sharing. 🙂


  70. ellen olajumoke olanipekun
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 09:27:37

    This is on point! So deep!


  71. obinnaya
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 09:35:39

    Wow, this is so spot on, on point to the very last letter. Good job and thanks.


  72. Michael Onafuwa Dhammie
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 10:27:01

    Great piece, I like it… You could please check out the latest piece on my blog, “GOD made woman, His only mistake?” Feel free to like, share and comment… Thumbs up!!!


  73. Michael Onafuwa Dhammie
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 10:29:37

    Great piece, I like it… You could please check out the latest piece on my blog, “GOD made woman, His only mistake?” @ Feel free to like, share and comment… Thumbs up!!!


  74. Michael Onafuwa Dhammie
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 10:30:05

    Great piece, I like it… You could please check out the latest piece on my blog, “GOD made woman, His only mistake?” @ Feel free to like, share and comment… Thumbs up!!!


  75. Dayo
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 10:31:24

    It’s good to be reminded of these things from time to time 🙂 cause its easy to get lost in the thrill of the phase and the surrounding pressures leading to a regrettable decision simply because one failed to do the necessary checks on the most important person in the equation – yourself. Nicely simply put darl Thanks and big ups to the writer.


  76. amarachi
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 10:40:46

    So,so,so true!!!!! Should be shared not just the singles but also to the married ones


  77. Feintoe
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 12:01:58

    Wow! Great piece and real eye opener. God bless ȕȑ intellect Fearless Nazirite. This is a must share for me.


  78. Moses
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 15:40:33

    Deep insight that we daily trivialise in our relationship. I’m recommending this write up to a minimum of 50 people on my contact now. Judy, I celebrate you.


  79. Marylian
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 17:56:16

    Just a dry content.


  80. Tope
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 19:28:08

    thoughtful piece…….a complete guide on its own……well done. Tope


  81. Akins Mathew
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 19:56:43



  82. Nwaobia prince
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 20:54:22

    Marriage is one institution people does not understand its policies be4 entering into it. I can say dat marriage is a contract btw two parties, in which they agrée to fullfil their distinct obligations in season and out of season. In our society today, people enter into unfavourable Holy matrimony either the side of the wife or the husband, becos of the preasure béen mounted on them by their love once, in pursuit of wealth & material things. Many homes has been torn apart over the choice of wife & husband for their sons & daughters respectively and the conflicts that arise from such issues. We nèed to understand the connotation meaning of marriage and not to focus our mind set on the dictionary meaning of it. Don‘t get married untill u ar ready for marriage.


  83. Wole
    Aug 16, 2012 @ 21:47:34



  84. wordarena
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 08:59:22

    Reblogged this on The Word Arena and commented:
    This is a M.A.S.T.E.R.P.I.E.C.E!!! A must-read!


  85. bishopjohnoghe
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 09:52:51

    Fantastic! Fantastic!! Beautifully crafted. It’s just the plain truth that a lot of us seem to forget.


  86. Myideel
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 09:57:45

    A very interesting story, a must read for every youth. I ve’ learnt much from it


  87. wordarena
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 10:29:27

    WOW! Exquisite piece! Straight to the point and absolutely right on it.
    Thanks a lot for sharing!

    Here’s a piece you might like. There are others on the blog u might find interesting too. Pls feel free….



  88. Anne
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 11:44:03

    Very true indeed


  89. shalewa omobolanle
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 12:15:47

    A must read for everybody


    • Mathilda
      Aug 21, 2012 @ 08:26:29

      Well said and a great advise for al singles…..through ur work av cum 2 undastand that saying ‘yes ℓ̊ do’ is quit easy but d afterwardz lies a great task ahead…4 one 2 accept marriage he or she must mak up their mind 2 manage or deal with any situation ahead of dm….it dificult, but with God involved, by the undastndin of His law givz us an extraordinary will 2 handle any situation dat may arise in Marriage.Thankz 4 d masta piece


  90. Shola
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 12:15:57

    Beautiful piece! Permission to share


  91. Ic Kayy
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 15:06:47

    love this piece , wish both the male and female could take their time to digest and not just read


  92. Zion A.
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 15:28:10

    My best part of this article…”If you are not ready to be an open book. To tell the whole story of your past, deal with the memories, expose the failures and risk rejection…. don’t get married.” very correct.


  93. lord sammie
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 15:33:01

    Wao!!! Dis article is g8t tnx a lot.


  94. chichi
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 15:39:22

    one word “WOW” i love dis!!!!!!!!!!


  95. Gege Nkwo
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 16:10:28

    Fearless Nazirite, I bow !!!!!!!!! Amen oh !!! Great article!


  96. Nkiruka Cecilia Okpara
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 17:07:23

    On point! dear


  97. Queen Alfred
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 18:29:21

    Such a wonderful piece this is. This actually got to me at the right time cos am a little bit confused about getting married or taking another search. Thanks


  98. temmy
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 18:32:34

    I’ve learnt something,more power τ̲̅Ö̤̣̇ your elbows


  99. Ada
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 18:32:42

    Greate article n wonderful it somuch


  100. Omoba
    Aug 17, 2012 @ 21:34:18

    Everybody seems to be heading to the same direction here but I won’t. U know what? It is indeed a nice piece but this kind of seed will not germinate on an average African soil. Are U talking to overanxious single black women in their 40s without a spouse or you are talking the married who don’t have a say in the society, who don’t have anywhere to go to if they lose the marriage?

    My advise to you young ladies is that married is an institution in Africa, you sustain it if you humble yourself, you get more with humility than you will get with arrogance.


    • Fearless Nazirite
      Aug 21, 2012 @ 04:48:27

      i think you got it wrong. the article is not against marriage, it is against walking blindly into one. it offers points that you need to make a marriage work. . . and it was written by a married woman…of African descent, living in Africa. the article is founded on Godly principles.


  101. Timdavid
    Aug 18, 2012 @ 03:00:42

    The first moment I saw this yeah… what came to my mind was… this must be a girl writing this… from the first lines… didnt have to go as deep as I did eventually to find I was right… Pretty good words yeah but if u ask me… I’d say u av rightly pointed out absolutes for justifying our fears and securities, which cannot stand as established word especially with a grossly opinionated social concept as marriage… I dont think you are married… no offences and maybe that is why it is this easy to make points from an outsiders point of view… Should people who dont fit into ur mould not get married? I dont think so… it is the sama absolutes that make people run away from the church cos they think it is too hard… Marriage is not a bunch of rules my lady it is an institution where people grow in and build up themselves together… I hope I have not rudely made my point… (well I aint married either and like I have heard, young people are quite good at making points… :))


    • Fearless Nazirite
      Aug 21, 2012 @ 04:45:06

      hey Tim,
      the piece was written by a married lady ( married for quite some years). and life is a cocktail, much as love does count maturity too has a place in life…this piece was highlighting maturity specifically. on the other hand, no one is perfect, but you should strive to be the best you can be…”i’m not perfect” may become the excuse that ruins your destiny. you try as hard as you can each day, and let the grace of God build you towards growth. . . oh and your right, young people are excellent at making points 🙂 daring even…


  102. Kams
    Aug 18, 2012 @ 04:39:38

    Dis msg is cming 2 me @ a time i nid it most, i nw undstnd marrying my best frnd wil mk us b frnds foreva.
    I luv dis msg, it’s ment 4 me.


  103. Folarin john
    Aug 18, 2012 @ 05:58:53

    Its a very good article which i took my part out of it.God bless the writer


  104. wisdom Nwadike
    Aug 18, 2012 @ 08:52:18

    Wow!…This is fantastic. I sincerely appreciate the points given by this God bless and gifted author. Marriage is indeed a serious family business and there is need to take it very serious because I believe it is the starting point of every true man.


  105. osahi
    Aug 18, 2012 @ 10:04:37

    Great article. Marriage is responsibility twice over at first and many times more if kids are added. The outlook one has as a single will show up in marriage. Articles like this help shape us as singles and apply finishing touches (which never do end) when married. Inspiring indeed!!!


  106. Abijo Toluwanimi
    Aug 18, 2012 @ 11:46:01

    Av really been enlightened. God bless you


  107. winnie
    Aug 18, 2012 @ 13:07:58

    Its a nice piece,but want to crave dat U̶̲̥̅̊ introduce the person of christ, who isable to work on you,making you posses all dat it takes to be able to succeed in dis institution called marriage .
    Witstandin certain horrible attitudes from inlaws firmly and calmly is no fast meal,it takes alot more than even the maturity we


    • Fearless Nazirite
      Aug 21, 2012 @ 04:35:14

      Winnie, i agree with you. however life is indeed a cocktail. you need many Virtues and the overall person of Christ to make it. in this case the highlight was on maturuty. thanks for visiting Winnie


  108. enjee239
    Aug 18, 2012 @ 14:05:15

    We never stop learning. This is a timeless piece. Even when married, it still serves as a manual, a guide. Thanks for a job well done!


  109. Vikie Osas
    Aug 18, 2012 @ 15:41:51

    This is awsome am inspired and will get it across 2 everyone


  110. abi
    Aug 18, 2012 @ 19:43:16

    tht is a really nice piece of advice, for dose who need should pls know where they really before the rush.


  111. dat was a nice piece,pls we nid to hear more truth lyk dis. by Akporobo Ejeguo
    Aug 18, 2012 @ 23:09:25

    nice one, pls we nid to hear mor truth lyk dis


  112. job
    Aug 19, 2012 @ 00:46:32

    A very inspiring piece indeed, if every single will read this and take this advice along with them before getting in to marriage I dear say the married institution will have a promising future indeed


  113. lizzy
    Aug 19, 2012 @ 07:06:21

    Lovely write-up. My bf n I just read it and it was like we started taking notes. Thanks esp the part bout the mundane activities, we were beginning to wonder!!!!


  114. Tony aka Pengolian
    Aug 19, 2012 @ 09:31:17

    Bravo!!! Bravo!!! I like


  115. Trackback: Don’t Get Married If…. « anusoyemi
  116. Essien Vivian
    Aug 20, 2012 @ 12:46:51

    im blest


  117. marvelous
    Aug 20, 2012 @ 20:11:44

    Nice piece.. I call this letting go of relationship baggages.. You just have to be long suffering…


  118. xolani
    Aug 21, 2012 @ 05:28:06

    Hi Fearless Nazirite
    I read a beautiful article by Author Judy Karanja, it speaks of why one shouldn’t marry and the way its written, for me its still limited.

    I.E. Why do we get married in the 1st place? Is the focal questions as oppose to “don’t get married if…”
    There is no perfect marriage because there is no perfect human and thus perfection can be defined as being imperfectly perfect for eachother.

    We marry because its bring Dignity to a Woman and it brings True Confidence to a Man. We marry because Love is ‘god’ and God is fire, meaning Love purifies us until we transform every foolishness into highest wisdom.
    This is why in Love or Marriage, you ought to come as you are and not in a fake pleasing presentation marketable package. Its not wise to sell to your future partner what you appear to be rather sell who you are from get go and you won’t have to worry about the Reasons as to not marry…

    Without unconditional love, we haven’t known love. You Marry some1 because to you they have won your heart to love them unconditionally. If you fail to do so, then you chose to marry in ignorance of the Human Nature.



    • Fearless Nazirite
      Aug 21, 2012 @ 06:39:32

      i think the above article is the one you are talking about. i agree it’s limited. like i told a reader above, it focuses mainly on maturity tho there are other factors that do make a marriage. it’s not that she is trying to sell perfection, it’s trying to get accross the price of marriage, the things that you should be ready to do hence if you are not ready for the work you would rather prepare then go ahead.


      • Jenny
        Aug 21, 2012 @ 13:17:25

        Then, there is this part about like attracting like,I thought only opposite attracts… Wonderful write-up though.

  119. oliy4all
    Aug 21, 2012 @ 14:54:29

    It is true talk


  120. Trackback: Don’t Get Married If…. « lushvox
  121. Afe Dako
    Aug 21, 2012 @ 15:08:40

    Ok wow! You nailed it, especially the last paragraph ❤


  122. Odupitan Abosede Olorunfunmi
    Aug 21, 2012 @ 22:12:07

    This write-up is great.


  123. Thelma
    Aug 22, 2012 @ 10:01:31

    Wonderful insight nd Nice writeup… Keep it up!!!


  124. Taku Kumator
    Aug 22, 2012 @ 12:34:31

    Wonderful and well thought out article!


  125. Isaac Osunde
    Aug 22, 2012 @ 17:27:54



  126. Ilyas Bashir Bello
    Aug 22, 2012 @ 17:51:55

    hmm…love this;

    ”You have to learn to thrill in gentle smiles, loving hugs, knowing looks, cozy moments, shared chores, cute babies, everyday work, dreaming together, praying together and simply living together”


  127. wordarena
    Aug 22, 2012 @ 22:05:03

    Hello Fearless Nazirite, can’t really figure out how many times I have read this piece over. Lol. An Oustanding piece, really!

    I sent you an email. Please confirm delivery. Thanks!


  128. rashidat oluwakemi
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 09:47:43

    WOW! ” A childish baby is cute but a childish adult is extremely frustrating” dis is really an eye opener,GREAT PIECE,really have 2 share dis.Thanks a million!


  129. teerex
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 11:22:02

    In this day and age,many people marry out of frustration,desperation or pressure….like marriage is what should be lived for…..and most times I believe its the external factor that is the driving force.
    I believe if everyone did not have a family or friend looking over his or her shoulders;reminding them of what they the external factor think is best for the person in question…..the pressurised stampede into marriage will subside and people will go into it because “THEY WANT TO” not because they have to.


  130. mosunmola
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 17:27:42

    This is really good and true. I appreciate it. Cudos!


  131. TM.Lucia
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 22:36:19

    I have always known I am not ready for marriage. If I needed a sign from God, this just had to be it. Am not ready to grow up. Its a scam!


  132. asimau Gambo
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 22:50:07

    Its really touching.


  133. James
    Aug 24, 2012 @ 07:14:00

    Wow! What a piece… More grace!


  134. pere
    Aug 24, 2012 @ 07:34:49

    I learnt a lot from this,it feels like i was been talked to,we keep this i mind


  135. Project44
    Aug 24, 2012 @ 08:52:15

    Great piece this is ! Will re-blog this on our blog .


  136. Treasure Chi
    Aug 24, 2012 @ 10:59:10

    Marriage is a school were u can’t graduete from! We learn new things everyday.& u also need 2 understand ur spoouse, to enable u have a happy home! You made my day THANKS A LOT.


  137. Matilda
    Aug 24, 2012 @ 11:59:16

    wow….i sure gat ta work on ma sef lol…some arears


    • xolani
      Aug 24, 2012 @ 12:08:13

      hey Matilda, I think you are ready for marriage. Its a very big thing for peps to acknoweldge that they need to work on themselves. Its easier to blame then to take responsibility.
      We chose our partners, they didn’t force themselves on us. If they did, that’s rape…



  138. Vivien Ogueji
    Aug 24, 2012 @ 12:35:45

    It is as true as the Bible says it. Thanks and God bless you for breaking it down for general understanding. This is a truth that has no culture or race, just for the good of humanity. I’m not married yet but I’ve enjoyed so much seminars and teachings on marriage and I do hope that I won’t disappoint God in marriage.


  139. racingstones
    Aug 24, 2012 @ 21:02:26

    If I had 10thumbs, I’d have them all up for this piece. Thank you so much for sharing such basic but deep nuggets!


  140. Mandus
    Aug 25, 2012 @ 11:11:03

    The wisdom behind this words are as great as the words
    of Solomon. I am passing it on.


  141. EF
    Aug 27, 2012 @ 11:01:29

    A nice piece you’ve got here. Pray you continue to grow in wisdom. Kudos!!!


  142. teejojo
    Aug 28, 2012 @ 14:21:48

    Reblogged this on My Blog.


  143. honeydrop
    Aug 28, 2012 @ 15:02:26

    Awesome.real truth


  144. Trackback: Don’t Get Married If…. | zealthinks
  145. girllivinglife
    Aug 28, 2012 @ 23:05:24

    Reblogged this on Girllivinglife's Blog.


  146. Ogunsakin Mosunmola
    Aug 30, 2012 @ 09:40:32

    Hmmmmmmm,it an heart touching article ,this ȋ̝̊̅§ superb ,only h̶̲̥̅̊a̷̷̴̐√ε̲̣̣̣̥ the knowledge of marrying a frd bt nw i h̶̲̥̅̊a̷̷̴̐√ε̲̣̣̣̥ learn more which to h̶̲̥̅̊a̷̷̴̐√ε̲̣̣̣̥ more of ur publications even everyday,God bless ur brain


  147. Eddy
    Aug 30, 2012 @ 16:35:26

    Great article!!! if well read and understood, it has the potential to correct some anomalies in marriages that are already heading for the rocks.


  148. Mercy
    Aug 31, 2012 @ 13:25:51

    This is so true, It could not have been put in any better way…..


  149. admin !!!
    Sep 02, 2012 @ 20:45:44

    marriage is not a “let me try and see what happens” thing, it’s a life time commitment, be ready before you get into it. well constructed,beautifully written, thanks for sharing…


  150. chinedu chinomso
    Sep 04, 2012 @ 07:29:44

    Marriage indeed is 4 d matured mind and not babes, if u r not prepared then u r not ready.


  151. Henry Oladele Ejiko
    Sep 05, 2012 @ 15:07:34

    A saw the write up thru a sister of mine.I wish I had the power to make every young person see this article.what could be more true than this.I love 2 particular citations,Marriage is for the matured and love does not pay bills!.God bless The writer of this wonderful piece


  152. Bruno
    Sep 08, 2012 @ 16:11:37

    In these endtimes of tmi (aka over sabi) and classical ignorance, coupled with the tendency to be perfect (for some), new questions arise. 1. Was marriage ever meant for perfectly functioning folks who have actually met the requirements mentioned in this piece? 2. When will anyone ever be ready to enter into marriage? When they have met all the criteria? ANYWAY…not too take away anything from the morale of this most didactic piece, the commitment called marriage is an everyday learning process…an unending curve! May GOD help us all acquire the software versions for marriage and all the upgrades released by the Author of marriage!


  153. Yaw Asante Appiah
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 22:59:26

    i love this piece


  154. Godson
    Sep 14, 2012 @ 01:46:26

    Good advice


  155. Trackback: Don’t Get Married If…. | wakimothoblog
  156. Nthusi Nthula
    Sep 18, 2012 @ 10:21:37

    Insightful indeed. Key issues neatly dissected. Bless the author!


  157. Already too willing
    Sep 19, 2012 @ 06:55:08

    Delayed Gratification, dedication to the truth, Honesty, Accepting of responsibility…Four pillars (from the book the road less travelled) that I found very eye opening. Putting the brawn to the lessons is now my choice. Thanks for the piece. Awesome read i must say……really eye opening


  158. olarid2004
    Sep 20, 2012 @ 00:29:07

    Nice Article, why don’t you monetize it with adsense. please check my Article out


  159. olarid2004
    Sep 20, 2012 @ 00:37:48

    Reblogged this on livetradingdesk and commented:
    This is worth passing on


  160. Michael
    Sep 22, 2012 @ 18:29:26

    Hej Fearless Nazirite!

    Thank you for your article. Very very fine piece og work. I will recommand you to read the book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottmann. It’s the best book I have ever read about how to get a happy marrige. God bless you all – and your marriages. Michael


  161. amara
    Oct 15, 2012 @ 07:56:31

    I love this article


  162. Mark Dave
    Oct 17, 2012 @ 16:35:46

    Well written and must read for every youth.


  163. nimu owino
    Oct 24, 2012 @ 12:43:22

    this is too profound!!!!! wish everyone getting married for the wrong reasons or in the wrong relationship would read this!!!!!


  164. Joseph Kirichu
    Oct 26, 2012 @ 02:21:44

    It’s so true that even the married need to reconsider their commitment to each other and improve where they fall short. This should be able to help rebuild and revive so many marriages!!!!!!!!


  165. Grace Eke
    Oct 30, 2012 @ 11:28:33

    I have been so much educated by dis and I want to pass it on to others


  166. Isaac Ndegwa (@indegwa)
    Oct 30, 2012 @ 13:55:03

    Read you loud and clear. Sometimes dealing with friends and inlaws can be tough. It needs a stern focus to remember that you married your wife/husband and did not marry his/her sister, father or aunt.


  167. Pascal Mulwa
    Nov 19, 2012 @ 17:25:23

    Spot on!


  168. samuelimande
    Nov 28, 2012 @ 10:02:22

    This is it. is it possible to make these facts known to our children right from day one of birth instead of loading them with ideas and trash from the tv sets? It looks to me as conspiracy to to get the human race to fail!


  169. tonymalesi
    Dec 01, 2012 @ 11:17:29

    Awesome stuff!


  170. Tunse
    Dec 26, 2012 @ 13:26:15

    I really like the aspect of letting go of former male ‘best friends’ and letting your man do the honour. Lovely and inspiring piece


  171. Bianca
    Dec 31, 2012 @ 10:32:28

    hmmm short of words,anywayz is a good impact….i love it


  172. MoYounique
    Jan 28, 2013 @ 20:46:58

    Mon, Jan 28, 2013 21:47:11
    I can neither read nor sh-Air this article enough…


  173. Trackback: Don’t Get Married If…. « Ian Mwaura
  174. Ian Mwaura
    Feb 08, 2013 @ 05:46:09

    Immaturity is indeed the inability to delay gratification. well put.


  175. marylove
    Apr 27, 2013 @ 17:11:09

    I think dis is a must for everyone both married and unmarried……..its an eye opener i love dis very educating


  176. Alex
    Jul 03, 2013 @ 18:48:31

    Wow thats motivation


  177. Beks
    Jul 05, 2013 @ 04:07:03

    What an awesome article! Food for thought. Thank you 🙂


  178. Oluwaseun
    Jan 18, 2014 @ 20:08:44

    This is by far the most insightful, factual, real, deep peek into married life that I have read in a long time. It gives a very balance opinion. Wakes one up from the la-la- land idea of marriage. Those are punctuation to everyday living. Hmmm… marry your best friend and enjoy them in the most mundane of moments. Foods for thought. Any more interesting pieces from you, please?


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